Airport Etiquette

So to start off with - In case you don't already know, I live on the other side of the country from most of the rest of my family. Literally - the opposite coast. About twice a year, I head that way to visit them for a few days... you know the usual. Spend some quality time with my Dad, try desperately NOT to fight with my mother, try to figure out which stories my brothers and I haven't told our mother yet in order that we may mortify her yet again with tales of the horrors we used to exact upon each other... you know, the standard holiday with family. Generally these trips are, almost like clockwork are one in the winter, sometime near the holidays and the other in May. For some reason it's just worked out that way.

But the one thing that I NEVER do, is fly on holiday weekends. Too many people, too much hassle, too many stupid douchebags overrunning what is usually a rather easy security check at the airport. For several reasons, which I shall not go into here, my trip this year has fallen on Memorial Day weekend. (Yes, Dave, that and my subsequent discomfort resulting in the timing of my trip IS your fault.)

I arrived this morning at the airport, with what is USUALLY a good amount of time. Plenty in fact, to check my bag, get through security, secure a triple latte from the airport coffee vendor and a bottle of overpriced water from one of the many newsstands in the terminal and be at the gate, with enough time to spare to queue up my current favourite playlist on my iPod in order to drown out any aeroplane chatterboxes and make it clear to them that I am NOT interested in speaking to them nor do I give a rat's ass where they are going or who they're off to visit.

I hit the security line at approximately 720 am. My flight was due to depart at 910 am. And after getting shuffled through the maze of temporary ropes and sectioned into queues based on who paid more for their tickets (truly - United Airlines lets first class passengers through the security area as priority), I took my place in line to wait for the security check. And there I stood. I did not move. I did not step forward. I did not progress. I did nothing. But I did notice at about 750 after I had been standing in one spot for half an hour, that the TSA agents were being very careful to make sure that passengers whose flights were due to board soon were being pulled out of line and given priority. So no worries. It's crowded, but no one is missing a flight and the TSA agents are being fair and reasonable and nice about the situation.

And then I hear the voice. You know that voice. That ONE voice over the din of many who has taken it upon herself to start to state the obvious repeatedly to anyone who will listen and very LOUDLY that they have been so put upon because THEY got here an hour ago and THEY haven't moved since. THEY are stuck in this line and why aren't the TSA agents doing something about it. The answer is a simple math equation - 5 XRay machines, 3 ID checkpoints, and 200 passengers. You do the math. It's gonna take some time. Suck it up and deal.

Now most of us are quiet. Simply minding our own business. Patience is learned at airports. In my case - these are the thoughts going through my head - "Okay, so I got here early enough I thought. Maybe I should have left a little earlier. I wonder why it's so crowded this morning, this isn't usual. Oh crap, it's a holiday weekend. Dammit. I'd forgotten about that. I hope I get through soon, I really need a coffee, but at least the TSA people are making sure that we all get through with enough time to make our flights, even if we do have to stand here for a bit longer than I would like. I hope I have time to get a latte." These are the normal thoughts for a caffeine deprived person at an airport who is watching the clock tick and not moving and starting to wonder if I would have to run to my gate, because damn my laptop bag is heavy and that would be a suckfest to have to run.

And I hear the voice again. This time the voice has begun attempting to recruit persons from the line to instigate a revolt of some sort. The voice is starting to loudly berate the abilities of the TSA workers, though not directly to anyone, just in general making those "oh I think I am so clever" attempts at pointed comments that THEY assume everyone else will and must agree with.

I feel sorry for TSA agents. Yeah, they may not be the best at their jobs, but they do seem to try. Everyday they face hundreds of jackasses who for some reason think that they are special and that they do not have to leave enough time to get through security but should be given priority anyway upon reaching the long line because once their mother told them they were a good person.

I started to wonder... I started to wish... if this douchebag bitches loud enough, maybe security will escort her out of the airport altogether. And this is where I have the epiphany. What if airports were more like bars? Security people who looked like bouncers wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. The douchebag in question would never have started this tirade if the end result was meeting with the angry face of a bald, thick-necked reject from UFC training school, now would they? I think not. For that matter, a number of possible terrorists probably would rethink their career paths if they were dealing with security agents who looked more like John Cena than Paul Blart.

I think this may be the answer to all of our problems. Let's have TSA and airport security teams be peopled by men and women from the UFC and GLOW. Let's have our ID checkpoint staffers look like the doormen from Les Deux because they won't give a shit that you may have to stand in line a little longer - you're just not famous enough or hot enough for them to care. And if you do try to mouth off to these men, they will simply put you down. I mean literally. On the ground. And hold you there. Just because they can. (And I would laugh.)

Maybe then, the douchebag behind me will just shut the fuck up and be patient like the rest of us. Because I can stand being a little late, having to skip getting my coffee and being made to run like Seabiscuit through the terminal to make my flight... but what I can't stomach is another self-important douchebag wanna-be Real Housewife of Orange County earworming me for the better part of an hour about how she's too damn important to wait.

Bite me, Bitch. I hope your fake tan gives you a horrible skin rash that ruins the rest of your holiday weekend the way you have ruined my morning.

XO
The Tank Gyrl

And the Tank Gyrl Goes East

Have much to do in the next two days, in preparation for my bi-annual trip back east to see the family and friends in the greater Washington area. (That's DC, not state.) It'll be a quick trip - I only have a few days to spend, as usual. But it should be good. I've already got more plans there than I usually do in my life here in LA. Aside from seeing my pops, my niece, nephew, mom and brothers, I will be bringing my camera to shoot. This weekend is Rolling Thunder - the annual motorcycle ride and rally in support of veterans everywhere. It's a HUGE event. Something like 200 thousand men and women on motorcycles of EVERY kind will descend upon the National Mall grounds on Sunday at noon. Leading up to that, there are parties, events, etc...

Not the least of which is a pre-rally party and show at the 930 Club, being sponsored by Iron Horse magazine and featuring several great bands - one of which happens to be King Giant, who are friends of mine. So I will of course be taking some time out of the family schedule to head down there to shoot, enjoy and have some drinks with friends in the area.

If you're around, come by, support and say hi. I'll be the chick with the dark auburn hair and the camera constantly in front of her face.

XO
The Tank Gyrl

The Carnival Arrives June 1st

Not that it's that big a deal, but oh yeah, it kinda is for me. I'm currently printing and prepping images that will be showcased at the Rumor Mill Coffee Shop in Los Angeles, starting on June 1st. There won't be an opening reception really, but the prints are up for sale and will be on display for the month of June.

Hope you can come by and have a look. This is the first series I've done since the "Chopped Dropped and Driven" show several years ago and I'm a bit stoked to just get some new work out there. Even if it is just a local coffee shop. (And while you're there, try to their turkey pesto sandwich - it's super yummy.)

More details when it gets closer.

XO
the Tank Gyrl

The Addiction of Facebook...

I am just as guilty as the next person of spending too much time on Facebook. HOWEVER - I have a bit of a suggestion for several of my "friends." Now, take this as it's intended - as a bit of advice, and as we all know, advice is free and worth exactly that much. So no yelling at me if you don't like my comments.

Since the redesign of Facebook's home pages a month or two ago - which for the record - is a HORRIBLE design - FB now has the added annoyance of posting every little thing that every single person on your friend's list does. And to be honest, I couldn't care less. There is nothing more irritating than waking up, going to check the ol' FB for new developments, funny status updates and whatever other insanely inane commentary my friends have left for me; and finding that some jackass who I haven't spoken more than two words to since grade school has done about 20 of these so-called "Tests" and the results are posted one after another for an entire page, blotting out anyone else's comments or photos... Yes, you know who you are.

So kids, let's get this straight through - just because someone sends you a test, challenge, or other irritating application - DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO DO IT!!! There is no Facebook Etiquette that says it's rude. The offending sender will probably never even notice or care that you have or have not done this stupid test and added the annoying application to your updates. And in the meantime you have saved us all from the constant bombardment of these things - because we don't care which Hobbit you are, the five places where you have lived (if we know you, chances are we already know this), or what hot celebrity some drunk asshole at a bar once told you you looked like.

And if you do have time to do 20 to 30 of these things per day - I have one more suggestion - get a hobby that involves the possibility of going out in the daytime, interacting with other people, and has no computer based activity. Trust me, it'll be good for you. Promise.

Now, I'm one of those people who updates my status more often that I should. I accept this. But generally my updates are silly, ridiculous and cryptic. Often intended as secret messages to people on my friends list - just to see if they're paying attention. I find them funny. And generally the people who they are intended towards do as well. But we don't overuse, overabuse or send thousands of tests to people because we would rather have a cyber-life than a real one.

There's a whole world out there people. It's not on Facebook. Stop fantasizing about which Star Wars character you are and go see it.




P.S. And yes, I do realize the irony of ranting about your fantasy cyber-life when I have taken my screen name from my favourite comic book character. But at least I realize it.

A little bit about Easter

Once again, Zombie Jesus Day is upon us. I mean, really, what is Easter but the celebration of a man returning as the walking dead - which according to everything I've heard of, is the definition of a zombie. So by that definition, Jesus became a zombie on Easter. Well, actually, he became a zombie at some point just after the spring equinox and before the summer solstice. But because they went and mushed all the old pagan holidays together with the Christian holidays in order that the pagans might be more easily converted (oh those sneaky Christians!!!) to their way of thinking, we really have no idea when this supposedly happened for real. Sometime in the spring. It's symbolic - Spring is a season of awakening and rebirth - can I get a "OH WOW THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT?!?!?!" Or just a regular old "DUH" would suffice.

And did you know that historically speaking that by looking at star formations in the sky around the geographical area known as Bethlehem at the time and taking those into accounts with the stories that describe the stars during his birth - it's most likely more accurate that this man - whomever he really was - was a Virgo? For those of you not astrologically inclined - that's in September. Don't even get me started on why those pesky missionaries put his birthday in December near the winter solstice... that's a whole other discussion for another day...

One more little bit that someone in the church f'ed up along the way... (oh, those silly Christians) they got his name wrong too... Jesus is a Anglo bastardization of the old Hebrew name Yehoshua - which is actually just plain old Joshua. Unfortunately, "Josh Christ" just doesn't have the same Old Testament ring to it. (But it would make a really rad band name.)

So let's ignore ALL the historic inaccuracies for the moment. Let's take that huge leap of faith that Rome and all the little followers and spin-offs want us to take and just enjoy the day.

After all, it's such a lovely tradition to bite the heads off of chocolate and candy versions of adorable little woodland creatures - all in remembrance of the zombie revivification of a man who was the son of a woman who for all intensive purposes was raped while under some sort of sedative, and then if that weren't bad enough, the poor guy gets sent on a suicide mission and the world doesn't even have the decency to remember his name correctly.

I, for one, will bite the head off of a marshmallow peep in your honor, Josh.

The carnival is coming...

Not sure when, not sure how much of it, but I've just been informed that several of my prints are going to be featured at my local arthouse coffee shop. So hopefully some of you can come down and have a look... This is just one of the prints that will be featured. It's from the "Carnival" series I did last month. Something entirely random that turned into the inspiration to shoot an entire project. Inspiration comes in the funniest times and places. I got this one when I was out on my daily bike ride and there was a street carnival being set up just down the road from my apartment. There were a number of cool old dilapidated rides and the marine layer was thick that morning, giving the entire scene a very desolate and rather eerie "zombie apocalypse" sort of feeling. There were no people around. The street was blocked off and it felt very end of the world. I hope I got that across in the series as I processed. I will update when the show is going to be put up. Or if there will be a reception. (I doubt it, but who knows.)

And now, I shall celebrate with some yummy Thai take-a-ways for dinner.

EKS Images Fine Art Prints

EKS Images Fine Art Prints

http://www.eksimages.com

Unique and kustom prints from a kustom photographer.

Art prints, editorial black and whites, manipulated images.

It's cooler than what your friends have.