A little bit about Easter

Once again, Zombie Jesus Day is upon us. I mean, really, what is Easter but the celebration of a man returning as the walking dead - which according to everything I've heard of, is the definition of a zombie. So by that definition, Jesus became a zombie on Easter. Well, actually, he became a zombie at some point just after the spring equinox and before the summer solstice. But because they went and mushed all the old pagan holidays together with the Christian holidays in order that the pagans might be more easily converted (oh those sneaky Christians!!!) to their way of thinking, we really have no idea when this supposedly happened for real. Sometime in the spring. It's symbolic - Spring is a season of awakening and rebirth - can I get a "OH WOW THAT'S WHAT THEY MEANT?!?!?!" Or just a regular old "DUH" would suffice.

And did you know that historically speaking that by looking at star formations in the sky around the geographical area known as Bethlehem at the time and taking those into accounts with the stories that describe the stars during his birth - it's most likely more accurate that this man - whomever he really was - was a Virgo? For those of you not astrologically inclined - that's in September. Don't even get me started on why those pesky missionaries put his birthday in December near the winter solstice... that's a whole other discussion for another day...

One more little bit that someone in the church f'ed up along the way... (oh, those silly Christians) they got his name wrong too... Jesus is a Anglo bastardization of the old Hebrew name Yehoshua - which is actually just plain old Joshua. Unfortunately, "Josh Christ" just doesn't have the same Old Testament ring to it. (But it would make a really rad band name.)

So let's ignore ALL the historic inaccuracies for the moment. Let's take that huge leap of faith that Rome and all the little followers and spin-offs want us to take and just enjoy the day.

After all, it's such a lovely tradition to bite the heads off of chocolate and candy versions of adorable little woodland creatures - all in remembrance of the zombie revivification of a man who was the son of a woman who for all intensive purposes was raped while under some sort of sedative, and then if that weren't bad enough, the poor guy gets sent on a suicide mission and the world doesn't even have the decency to remember his name correctly.

I, for one, will bite the head off of a marshmallow peep in your honor, Josh.